Why do you care about clicks if your end result is revenue? What if it helps to qualify the audience or bounce rates? What is the point of an attribution model if the data coming in is crap? Or it’s not picking up all the data? There is none as it’s simply GIGO. Hey, why aren’t we also factoring in more econometrics into this as well? While we’re at it how much difference is there between first click, last click, linear, time decay? Wrong question? We’re going all in on algo…but wait are these box, custom, learning, etc. algos or just algo algos? Forget it…Moving on, shouldn’t we just turn off display no one clicks on banners? “Not true I’ve constructed banners with double-digit CTR’s and before you say it the bounce rate was less than 5% not to mention over 3 minutes time spent. And yes in a banner ad.” No way! Show me. “No way! Pay me first.” Sure, tell me anything. “Don’t debate with me, debate with my double digit, time spent numbers.” Whatever, soon you will tell me that your DMP is helping your DSP crush it leveraging RT, BT, CT, without any traditional media help to drive .com traffic. “And you sir would be correct! Not only that, we match on identity…cookies are for milk son! Speaking of ice cream, how is the ice cream sandwich, jelly belly, panda express, and mocha latte updates affecting our efforts? It’s not, they all taste good in the current stomach of the system. But what about device security? Forget about it, we got it covered. “I don’t believe you”. Trust me? “Will you give me punitive damages compensation if you don’t have it covered? Silence! Hey, I have another question not to avoid your other question but do we need TV when you have OTT? Of course, as long as it’s not down with OPP. That’s just naughty by nature.
Sooooo how is our display campaign planning coming along? Are we getting incremental lift or would we have gotten these conversions anyway? “Really? How is radio doing can you tell me how much incremental lift we received from drive time this morning? What about that PR stunt? Oh yeah, we received a ton of press pick up and digital conversation from that. Does that remain consistent if we remove the drive time radio, TV flight, social media and video efforts during the same time period? Shouldn’t we be more integrated with our marketing mix model? Ok so how much for each bucket?” What does the data say? Which data? .com, ad serving, revenue, search, e-mail, loyalty, brand, cat mgmt., LTV, sales, EBIDTA, stock, Well what’s our ROI? “Inclusive of cost?” Yes. “Inclusive of salaries, resources spent, meetings and the meeting before the meeting about the next meeting after the conference call?” Oh Hell No! Let’s try this another way, what is in DCM and Omniture? “Slow down Hoss! You know they don’t align, heck DCM doesn’t even really like Ad words and they’re family. Come on, don’t act like you don’t have 1 family member when they show up everyone is like…Ahhh man, here we go….” I hear you but in “Genesis” it said, “Let there be light”. Yeah, I know, but that particular Genesis is not God’s word. Ok, so what’s next?
Hey, Simpleton has a question too. “Sorry to interrupt but I’ve been listening to this dialogue, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? What is the goal? Any data?” Can I get woot-woot, we are BIG data divas? “Great any mining for insights?” Heck yeah we know gender, sex, age, what they drive, where they eat, we even know favorite colors… “That’s great but what are the insights?” I just gave them to you. “WTH! Sigh! Ok, so what problem are you trying to solve?” You said you had 1 friggin question…but we want sales! “Ok, Mr. Duke I get it sell, sell, sell to get sales. Hey, but what’s the problem we’re trying to solve? What’s our approach to solve? Any action steps?” Huh? The problem is for the last time sales! Do you want my job, a little trading places? “No sir, just trying to understand the direction to get to sales. Why are the objectives not quantified? Hmmm, have we properly defined the challenge/problem?” Yes, for the last time…we want more sales. “Uhh that’s the end result, but why are sales slowing down? What’s the cause? How’s the competition doing? How are we positioned against the competition and with the consumer?” We’re positioned well. Just make the logo bigger and buy some media. “Right, got it. So what’s the idea/concept? What insight is the strategy built on?” I just told you, buy some media and if I have to spell it out promote the sale. “Great, so there is no idea…can we hire some strategic and creative help?”. For what, we are awesome at creative and know our industry better than anyone. The only thing we need is for you to help us sell! “It seems we’re actually in the dark and can’t even distinguish data from insights, strategy from tactics, ideas from executions. Where do we go from here?” I will tell you. GO AND GIVE ME A MEDIA PLAN AND MAKE THE LOGO BIGGER TO HELP ME SELL, SELL, SELL! “You win, Randolph”.
